My mind has been blown recently. It’s been a series of lightbulb moments in the worst ways. A true paradigm shift, but the new perspective hasn’t settled down yet. The merry-go-round is still spinning and I’m getting dizzy from the ride. I haven’t yet been able to think it through properly or come to any conclusions.
In the past, there have been several instances of….oh, let’s say arguments. Not fights. But just a disagreement where I take one side and someone else takes another side. Neither of us is being disrespectful or rude. I certainly wasn’t. If I take a close look in my heart, now, though–after the fact–I would say that there was a certainty that I was right. So maybe some self-righteousness and I guess condescension. But no malice. Nevertheless, the other person has expressed having their feelings hurt by me. And I didn’t know what I could do differently because I didn’t mean to hurt their feelings. I just had a valid PoV that contradicted theirs. I wasn’t arguing, wasn’t yelling, wasn’t saying mean things.
And there have been multiple times over the weeks lately–with different people from different parts of my life–where I have been in the midst of conversation and suddenly find myself in a similar situation as above. Sometimes shockingly similar. Except for the fact that I am on the other side of the argument. And I have been offended and shocked at the rudeness. My feelings have been terribly hurt.
So here’s the rub. When that happens, I either have to stop myself from feeling those feelings because I know from the other side of the coin that the person didn’t mean anything by it. Which is extremely hard to do when you want your feelings and opinions validated and you also think the other person really was at fault for being so rude and hurtful.
But if I undulge that side of what I want to do. Then I have to admit that my behavior in the other situation was wrong. And I when I look at that situation, I honestly cannot come up with a better way of handling things or saying things and still being able to hold my ground. I can be a pushover and capitulate or I can say and do nothing. But I don’t know how to express what I am thinking and feeling in any nicer or more measured way.
So you see how I am psychologicially stuck right now? No matter how this coin falls, one of my sides will lose. Either I handled things badly the first time and it’s my fault and I need to figure out what I did wrong and how to fix it. Or I’m being overly sensitive and ridiculous the second time and just need to suck it up and move in because no harm was meant, even though I can still feel the sting of it.
Writing out that last paragraph makes me think that maybe the answer is to do both. But in the real situations of my life, I don’t know how to go about specifically doing that. Even if I could swallow my pride enough to want to do it. And this is happening in multiple ways and with multiple people.
I’m not really a fan of these kinds of eye-opening situations.
sparkling blue 